


Joker Gets Trapped Down A Well

by jokersforkliftlicense



Series: Joker Gets A/An X [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: AU: Joker gets stuck down a well, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drowning, Hallucinations, Trapped, Water, joker from hit game persona 5 falls down a well, not beta read we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:16:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28595343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokersforkliftlicense/pseuds/jokersforkliftlicense
Summary: Joker from hit PS4 game Persona 5 falls down a well, and only his wacky cast of exactly five friends can rescue him.
Series: Joker Gets A/An X [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095356
Kudos: 14





	Joker Gets Trapped Down A Well

"So...would someone care to explain what's going on?"

The Phantom Thieves had gathered around a well set into Inokashira Park. A faint, echoey voice sounded from within.

"So," Joker, trapped in the well, explained, "Ryuji was all, 'that's a massive well,' and I was all, 'haha yeah,' so he was all 'I bet I can jump it,' and then he did, and so I was all 'ha, that's baby, I can do that--"

"And then he jumped, bonked his foot on the inside of the well, slipped and plummeted to the bottom," Ryuji finished, sheepishly. "Sorry."

Makoto just shook her head. Sometimes, being the single braincell of the Phantom Thieves was an exhausting task. She approached the lip of the well and gazed down, seeing nothing but inky blackness as far as her vision would stretch. No sign of Joker at all. 

"Are you okay?" she called down, her voice bouncing off the walls and reflecting back to her as it did so. "That looks like quite a fall." She wasn't hugely worried - if their leader had the energy to be apologetic, he probably hadn't broken anything. 

"Yeah," came the sullen reply. "There was water at the bottom, so I'm just kinda treading right now, but it's a bit cold." Morgana merely scoffed at this. 

"Hang on in there, Joker," Yusuke replied. "We're not going to leave you behind." As soon as he had poked his head out again, he turned to his friends. "Well, with that out of the way - this seems like more trouble than we have time for. All for leaving Joker behind?" This earned him a cuff behind the ear from Makoto. "Apologies. I misread the room - yet another critical faux pas from Yusuke Kitagawa." The others just shook their heads, collectively, trying to jostle their grey matter in the hope of, between them, producing a single thought. Ann sighed. 

"This is harder than I thought," she mused. "I was thinking we could just throw a rope down but he's way too far down for that now." Turning to Makoto, she asked, "Should we call the police? Maybe they'd have something we could use." 

"Nah, man, all cops are--" Ryuji immediately cut in, but Makoto interrupted. 

"We may not be able to afford to be picky," she shrugged. "Still, I'd like to avoid getting the authorities involved. It would be very embarrassing to try to explain quite what just happened here." Everyone else murmured their assent. "Let's see if there's anything else we can try first." She looked down the well again. "Joker, can you hear me?"

"I love that song!" Joker replied jovially. "Santa, can you hear mee--" Before he could finish, Makoto hissed at him, almost like a cat but if a cat was scary, slithered around on the ground, and was a snake. 

"There's no time for that," she insisted. "Can you see any handholds? Like, stuff you could use to climb up here?" 

Joker, from his watery cell, looked about the environs. It was far too dark. Unfortunately, he'd had the good sense to leave his cell phone on the surface, presumably because he figured something like this might happen. If only that level of forethought had extended to not doing the thing that landed him in this situation in the first place. Nevertheless, the only light was a thin beam coming in from the top, and Makoto was currently blocking half of it, so he made do by feeling his way about the walls. As his eyes adjusted, he could make out a few bricks that were jutting out ever so slightly - not enough for him to have caught them with his all-too-fragile frame and broken himself into pieces on the way down, but perhaps enough to clamber up. It was worth a shot.

"It's worth a shot," Joker called back, once he was confident he was in position. "I'll give it a try." With that, he began; he was not as much of a gymnast in the real world as he was in the fake world that he and his friends killed demons in, but he still had a certain, feline-like agility that lended itself to situations like this. With a bit of effort, he was able to contort himself enough to clamber up the little lumps of brick and mortar that were extruding from the inner walls of the well, and his friends - who could now see Joker's form materialising in their vision, like a shipwrecked boat being drawn from the depths of the black ocean - started cheering him on. All, of course, except for Yusuke, who stood at the back and was still reluctant about the whole rescue operation in the first instance, and Morgana, who didn't care enough about what was going on to pay attention. Soon enough, with the encouragement of the other Thieves, Joker had Persona 5: Scrambled up to just shy of the opening of the well. 

"Hell yeah, nice!" Ryuji cackled, and as Joker's outstretched palm appeared just above the surface of the well, the blonde went in for a hi-five.

Makoto's sixth sense kicked in, and just as Ryuji started moving time slowed down to a crawl for her - she turned, on a dime, as she watched Ryuji move in for the kill. Her arm flung out in front of her, panic flooded her mind, and she found her feet pouncing in his direction before she realised what was happening. "Ryuji, nooooooo--" she cried, pitched down like she was watching a slo-mo action sequence in a movie, but she had started off too far away from the sequence of actions to influence them. She could do naught but watch as Ryuji's sweaty hand impacted Joker's clammy paw, as the sudden nature of the impact shocked their leader into loosing his grip on the other handhold, as the only man she'd ever tolerated began spiralling down and down again into the icy void of the well. Her greatest fear was confirmed when she heard a faint splashing sound. 

They were back where they'd started. 

"Nice one, ramen-for-brains," Morgana muttered, more amused than annoyed that one of his team remained stuck underground.

"Shuddup!" Ryuji shouted in reply, before turning to Makoto, who still had her arm outstretched as though it had forgotten it was already too late. "I'm sorry, alright? I got overexcited. Joker, you okay down there?"

No response. 

"...Joker?" A nervous laugh. "Hey, Joker..." But still no reply. "Oh, that's not good. Uh... buddy? You... you okay?"

Joker, for his part, lay passed out face down in the icy water. The shock of the impact and the sudden re-entry into the depths had borked his system so badly that he had shut down; if he stayed like that, he was in trouble. Up on the surface, meanwhile, in contrast to the relative - if fatal - peace underground, a fight had broken out. 

"Ryuji!" Ann shouted. "Did you just kill our friend?" Ryuji looked panicked. 

"K-k-k-kill?!" he uttered, tripping over himself. "I'd-- I'd never! Joker's... he's..." The other Thieves, apparently in the 'anger' section of their grief processing cycles, stared at him as though they were going to tear him apart. Instead of buckling under the pressure, though, Ryuji found a new resolve. Turning toward the well, he tapped his foot against the ground like he was about to break into a sprint. "Don't worry, buddy," he whispered. "I'm coming to get you!" With a running leap, he soared through the air and dove down the well toward his friend. He just hoped he wouldn't land on him. 

Unfortunately, Ryuji's hopes were unfounded, as he immediately dropkicked Joker in the back and sent them both flying down and down into the water. Fortunately, this shock seemed to be sufficient to rouse the Thieves' leader from unconsciousness, as when they both came back up he was sputtering and hacking up water. "Joker! Hey!" Ryuji immediately wrapped his big arms around Joker's shoulders and started shaking him, as if not vibrating him at great speed would cause him to disappear from his life again. "Hey, you gave us a scare for a minute there. You okay?"

Once Joker had got the last of the water out of his lungs, he nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay," he replied. "What just happened? I remember falling down here..."

"That's all that happened," the track runner insisted. "Nothing else. Everything's fine." 

"Ryuji!" came a shout from above them. Ann was calling down to them after Ryuji's little stunt. 

"We're fine," Joker called back. "I think I must have passed out, but Ryuji's got me. We'll climb back up in a sec--"

"Not a chance," Makoto intervened. "After that, we're gonna come up with something else. I doubt there's much more space for anyone else to come down and bring you around if you guys pass out down there." She looked up at the remaining team. Yusuke and Morgana hung out under a tree, indifferent, leaving only Makoto and Ann left to share the braincell. "We may have no choice but to call the police." 

"I guess," Ann continued, reluctant. Then, suddenly, her eyes lit up as a thought occurred. "Wait, Makoto, isn't your sister a police detective?"

"A prosecutor, but sure, what are you asking?" Makoto would immediately regret it.

"Could she not... organise something to get them out on, like, the down-low? Like, the wayyy down-low?" 

"Are you doing a pun?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't think I was at first, but I guess I am now." She shook herself down. "No, there's no time for that. Maybe later. But not now. Anyway, could Sae-san do something?" Makoto cocked her head to one side as she considered this. 

"I... I suppose she could... commandeer something--" Ann grabbed her arm and started tugging at her like a desperate child.

"Great!" she said, urgently. "Let's do it. Right now."

"Right now? But... but she'll be at work--"

"Right now! That water must be really cold, if we mess around they'll freeze to death and I'll have to run the Phantom Thieves," Ann continued. "I don't know how to run a heart-stealing operation of that scale! Makoto, you gotta--" Makoto waved a hand to cut her off, withdrawing her phone from her purse. 

"Alright, alright, message received," she continued, padding at the touch screen like muscle memory as she dialled her sister's private cell. "...Wait, what do you mean you'd have to run the Phantom Thieves? Clearly I would be the-- you know what? We'll have this conversation later." She finished inputting the number. A ring. Another. Another. "Hi, Sis? It's... yes, I know, I know you're busy, but-- yes, I know. I wouldn't ask unless it was important." A sigh on the other side of the line, then a mumble that sounded like assent. "Well... two of my friends from school... are... um, trapped in a well--" An interruption. The sounds of screaming. Ann can vaguely make out 'how did your idiot friends get', as Yusuke looks up in response to the noise. "Sis, I know, I know it sounds bad, can you please-- yes, I know, I know, please just bring someone down here. There's cold water at the bottom of the thing and we don't know how long they've got. Okay. I know. Okay. Thank you." She hangs up. "She'll be here with people in ten minutes, but I think we're still probably going to annoy the police department."

"Hgh," Ann mumbled. "Well, if the guys don't die of exposure, then I guess it's probably worth the trade." She looked over at the other two. "Why do you think neither of them are that worried?" 

"Well, Yusuke I guess has always kind of... been... odd, but Morgana is confusing. He seems more responsible than that." Makoto joined Ann in staring at their two companions. "I wonder..." A few minutes went by. Periodically they called down the well to see how the two Thieves were doing. They had apparently started playing mental shogi, but they had got confused more than once - a) because keeping track of the board state in their minds meant they had a bunch of disputes over who was winning, and 2) because neither of them actually knew how to play shogi. Ryuji frequently said "go fish", and Joker, knowing nothing about the game, had to assume that was just part of how the rules worked. Neither was willing to admit to the other they had no idea what they were doing. In the end, they agreed it was a tie. 

Just as their game ended, Sae showed up with the cavalry. The grey suited prosecutor, along with a small battalion of police officers, had hit the scene, and they had brought a truly massive vehicle with them. It looked like a big SUV with a mounted pulley and chain on the back. The two Niijima sisters shared a mutual look of 'we are never going to speak of this again' before Sae barked instructions at some of the men next to the car. In a single smooth motion, the car backed up so that the pulley was hanging over the edge of the well, before a harness attached to a chain was lowered down to where the two, now very cold, Phantom Thieves were waiting. It took another few minutes, but soon enough both Ryuji and Joker had been extracted from inside. 

"Let's get this sealed in, now, gentlemen," Sae continued, and another vehicle the Thieves hadn't seen with a big cement mixer attached pulled up. Again, like a well-oiled machine, the police filled in the well with enough cement to bury all of Joker's internalised trauma, and soon it was just a stodgy stone cylinder poking uselessly out of the ground. "What have we learned today, kids?" she asked Joker and his track-running friend once all was said and done. 

"Not to try and jump over a fatally deep hole in the ground," Ryuji mumbled. "Not to try and jump over a fatally deep hole in the ground just because Ryuji did it," Joker offered, sheepishly. 

"Good," she smiled. "Now, anyway, you're both under arrest."

"Wait, what?! For real?" Ryuji asked, incredulously. 

"I'm kidding," Sae continued. "For real, though, don't do this again." She turned to Makoto as she said this. "I realise from what I'm looking at here that this is asking a lot, but... if you're insistent on being friends with these people, please try and keep them like, the vaguest amount in line. Just like, so that we don't have to call the police out every time one of them does something reckless and suicidal." Makoto scratched the back of her neck awkwardly.

"I'll do my best," she offered, unconvincingly, but Sae was too tired to care. With the situation resolved, the police operation was called off and the prosecutor and her legion of officers disappeared back into the leafy overgrowth, the only indication they had been there the significant damage done to the local flora by the two heavy-duty rescue vehicles. 

"So, uh," Joker said. "Should I get ramen for everyone? Maybe that would make up for the hassle of all that." His face was bright red. 

"Sure, man," Ryuji replied, lacing an arm casually over his shoulders again. "Let me go get the others." He turned to the tree, but Yusuke and Morgana were gone. "Where did..." He turned back. The others were now gone, too. "Wait, what?" The birds had stopped chirping. The trees had stopped whistling. The wind had quieted to a faint, ominous buzz. Then, suddenly perforating the silence like a bullet, a crack of thunder from the sky. Ryuji gazed up into the sudden thick layer of grey clouds that had appeared, and there suspended in space were the giant, hologrammatic faces of Morgana and Yusuke. 

"You have chosen this path, Ryuji Sakamoto," the giant Morgana said. "Your death is now certain."

"No, wait! Don't I get another chance?!" Ryuji cried. "It can't end like this!"

"Destiny is absolute, Ryuji Sakamoto," Yusuke interrupted, speaking like he was giving someone directions to the biblioteca. "Your fate... is sealed." 

"Sealed..."

_"Sealed..."_

_sealed..._

_led..._

_pulled..._

"We pulled him out, but he's still not responding!" came a faint cry. "Ryuji! Hey! Ryujiiiii!" An impact, probably to his face, but he couldn't be sure. His vision had gone blurry, and he could only just make out a faint patch of red immediately in front of him. Another impact, sharper this time, bringing the foreground into sharper relief. He still felt distant, withdrawn. 

"Ryuji!" A final slap brought him back into the real world. Hunched over him was Ann, tears streaming down her face, a deep red blushing her cheeks, the same red that now marked the palm of her hand which she'd used to slap the track runner repeatedly. He felt cold, and soggy. His clothes were matted with dirty water.

"What..." Ryuji mumbled. "What happened?"

"Oh, thank god you're alright," Ann said, weepily. "You idiot! You told us all you could jump the well and immediately fell in!" 

"What? No... Joker fell into the well." Joker, who was just about visible behind Ann, who was still crowding his line of sight, shrugged.

"No." He gave his trademark smile, the one he used when he felt superior. "Why would I do something that stupid?" 

"I..." Ryuji mumbled, his brain trying to put together a semblance of an understanding of what had just happened, but thought better of it when he developed a headache. "Oh, forget it, I'm going back to sleep."


End file.
